Scrupuli

blunt essays with sharp points

Back On Your Heads

by Scrvpvlvs
Apr 6, 2009 1:45 PM–The devil, escorting a lawyer to his place in hell, gives him a choice of three rooms in Hell in which to spend eternity. However, the laywer may only examine each room once and either choose it or reject it.

The first room is too huge to see across. Millions of agonized people in business suits are up to their waists in boiling hot shit.

Knowing the devil’s friendship for really smart lawyers such as himself, the lawyer figures this room is not for him and rejects it.

The second room is smaller; you can actually see the far wall. Hundreds of thousands of agonized people in business suits are up to their necks in boiling hot shit.

The lawyer makes a quick calculation. He can see which direction this is heading, but he knows the devil loves trickery and also has a warm spot in his heart for really smart, tricky lawyers such as himself. With a knowing look at the devil, he rejects the second room.

The devil escorts him to the third room. It is only the size of one city block, and populated with people in business suits standing in boiling hot shit about one foot deep, drinking cups of coffee.

The lawyer sees a few of his Manhattan colleagues, who wave and smile. He steps down into the room, gets himself a cup of coffee, and begins to chat with a couple of divorce attorneys.

Then a loud whistle blows. A small army of imps armed with pitchforks collect the coffee cups, and their captain announces, “Okay, coffee break’s over. Back on your heads.”

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