blunt essays with sharp points
Jul 9, 2007 12:27 PM–The last thing Old Mary MacQuarrie remembered was going to bed. Now she was standing in a long line of people, slowly advancing through a long, dark hallway towards a bright light. At the end of the hallway there was a receptionist.
Old Mary quavered out, “Am I in heaven now?”
The receptionist replied, “Do you mean the new Jerusalem, with streets of gold and angels eternally singing the praises of Our Lord?”
“Yes,” answered Old Mary.
“Then you’re in heaven. You’ll be in the choir, playing the harp and eternally singing the praises of Our Lord.”
“Oh, no, thank you,” said Mary. “I just want to find my dear Old Paddy, and enjoy the peace that passeth understanding.”
“Then you’re in hell. Here's your harp.”
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. —Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sometimes they fool you by walking upright.
What part of “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn” don’t you understand?
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life. —Terry Pratchett
Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig. —Robert Heinlein
Do not ask why the past was better than the present, for this is not a question prompted by wisdom. —Ecclesiastes 7:10
Power lines abruptly stopped causing cancer in 1997 after the U.S. National Cancer Institute conducted a better study. —Robert Parks
Встретимся под столом! (Vstretimsja pod stolom: To meeting you under the table!)
The more you cry, the less you’ll pee.
Relish the love of a good woman.
It’ll never get better if you keep picking at it. —advice from Judge “Maximum” Bob Gibbs